We also have an additional desire. 

We want each of you, as the reader, to feel empowered with the testimony that God has given you.  We all have been pulled out of a pit, whether it was at age six or at 106.  Please, do not be ashamed or hesitant.  Your testimony of God’s Grace could be the very thing that someone can relate to, which may ultimately help them understand the sacrifice that Christ gave on the cross. (Acts 9; Acts 22; Acts 26; Galatians 1; Philippians 3, and 1 Timothy 1:12-17)

Thank you for taking the time to get to know us.  These testimonies are just small examples of God’s true and timely Love.  PLEASE feel free to share your story with us!  Give us your testimony of amazing Grace.  What an encouragement they can be!

 There are a lot of things that lead up to the person I used to be, and there was no real “Start” line, at least in my mind.  Maybe I could say it started in 6th grade, or maybe things really did not begin until the 8th grade.  Regardless of the time and date of when “it” started, by high school my life was spinning out of control.  Instead of writing a full biography with intimate details, I thought it best to give you three snapshots of Shaun prior to Christ invading my heart.

 A little background: These three snapshots reflect the power of drugs.  They are small examples of how devastating and wicked drugs can be.  The drugs I used lived inside of my mind, my spirit, my soul, and in my heart.  They were internal parasites, sucking away the very core of who I was.  Only my parents truly had a window into how bad my mental and physical status had eroded.  I hope these snapshots can give you a little picture of how bad it used to be.

   ONE

I am going to start with the most difficult memory.  This is the most difficult because no matter how hard I would try, no matter the drug, I could not forget my actions. What I did was  horrendous. It makes me shudder every time I re-live that night. The night I broke my Mom’s leg. 

I was high, and my mom tried to stop me from leaving.  We ran up and down our stairs, as she chased me to keep me from hurting myself any further.  She was tired of me running away from my problems.  However I was faster, and I had made a quick break for it.  She grabbed me as a last resort, knowing that she had to do whatever it took to keep me in the house.  At that point I was so high that when I pushed her away, I had no concept of how hard I pushed her.  She fell to the ground in a screaming heap of pain.  I did not do it on purpose and to this day I do not know what physically happened for my Mom’s leg to break.   However I know I will never forget her scream.  Nor will I forget how far I ran knowing how soon my Dad would be home.  

I will never forget when I returned home that my Grandfather (Pops) was sitting on the couch next to the lamp shaking his head, and telling me that I had really messed up.  I had no idea what I had done, literally. My loving Grandfather was there to make sure my Dad did not destroy me when he got back home from the hospital with my Mom.  I will never forget the look my Dad gave me when he walked through that door.   I will never forget the pain my mom went through the next few months.

    TWO

This next snapshot reads almost like a cartoon.  When I play it back in my mind, I chuckle at how lost I really was.  However, it was not a laughing matter at the time.  This could have changed my life forever, and I feel such joy knowing that Holy Spirit lives inside of me, replacing the wickedness that I allowed Satan to place in my heart. 

One night my Dad and I were standing at the top of a stairwell in our house arguing over the dishes.  At one point during our conversation I got so angry that I tried to push him down the stairs.  I did not think about the potential consequences or results; I just wanted to make sure it happened.  It was my goal to make sure he fell down those stairs.  In my stupidity I never considered that my Dad was (and is) a REALLY big man.  Additionally, it does not help that drugs may make the user think he or she is invincible.  The reality of the situation was when I tried to push him I bounced off of his stomach more then he stepped backwards.  

When my meager push did not work, I ran for my life because the battle was not done in my mind.  If a push would not work, I would find something that would. I was convinced it was either me or him.  As my dad chased after me down the stairs it became very clear to me what I needed to do.  I needed to flip over a table and break the leg off so I could beat him with it.  Again, my invincibility meant a cracked table leg and my dad catching up with me very rapidly.

So I ran again, and he chased me.  He caught me and threw me away from the door so I could not do any more damage.  I flew through the air like a little rag doll.  (Some of you might cringe at the fact that he threw me.  Trust me, I should have had my head bashed in).  

The one thing that drugs are guaranteed to do is help the pain go away, and that was certainly the case here because I bounced right up and ran some more.  Finally my Dad caught me and put me in a hold that would make a UFC fighter tap out.   I tried everything I could to get out, no luck. My mom was running from room to room crying and screaming, asking my Dad what she should do.  She called the police and while they were on their way I told my Dad something I was extremely serious about.  Something I had forgotten I said, until he reminded me. 

I told him that if I could get ahold of a knife right then I would kill him.  I made sure he knew that if I had my way he would be taking his last breath.  Thank God for my Dad’s strength and the speed of the police.

   THREE

The third event was the last night I used ecstacy.  At this point I was a shell of who I used to be.  My head was shaved down to stubble.  I probably weighed 115-120 lbs., and I was getting sick pretty frequently.  I had a court ordered curfew, and my parents were allowed to randomly drug test me.  However, I was undeterred in my drug use; every day was a party in my mind.

That last evening I was so focused on getting as high as possible that my curfew had come and gone because I could not come down.  One hour passed, two hours passed, and I was still high and feeling completely out of sorts.  It was probably the worst high I had ever experienced.  Finally I decided that taking a shower would be the only thing to break the horrible high and get me home because it was past three in the morning.  

When I stepped out of the shower I looked in the mirror and finally saw the reality of what I had become.  I was emaciated.  I could see my ribs through my skin.  My cheeks were sunken into my face.  One eye was completely dilated but my other pupil was the size of a pin head.  I knew that I was more dead than alive, and I knew that the minute I stepped through the threshold of my house my life would never be the same.  

Those three events (plus many more) put me in a situation where I required a court appointed advisor that gave me the option to go to Boy’s Town (a juvenile detention center), or to go to a long term inpatient drug treatment center.  Naturally I chose the treatment center, thinking I would be done with the program in three quick months, and right back to doing what I loved to do.

At this point you may have noticed a theme in this story: God is not really mentioned.  That is how I looked at God in my life.  I did not care about Him even though I had been exposed to His Awesomeness throughout various situations and conversations.  God was unimportant to me, and irrelevant to my lifestyle.  Fortunately for me, God did not think I was irrelevant.  I was a lost boy, I just did not know it yet.

On March 10, 2000 I found myself outside of a hotel in Collierville, Tennessee.  In the morning I began shooting a basketball while I evaluated my life.  It was not a deep evaluation, it mainly revolved around what I needed to say to make sure my parents did not lose my earrings.  I was ready to fake my way through treatment as quickly as possible.  (Even though I knew I needed help).

Later that day I was admitted into Second Chance, (a Christian drug treatment center).  Through the 12-step process, (which can work in a Christ-centered setting), I really began to realize that I had a serious problem.  Even though they preached about Jesus I was more focused on coming to an understanding of my addiction. I fought and fought my growing faith, and focused on just getting through the program.  

Finally, on March 23, 2001 I graduated from Second Chance, fully “recovered” and prepared to head back home to Maryland.  After eating dinner out that night, we went back to the same hotel I stayed in a year and 13 days before.  I cannot really remember what we did on the morning of the 24th, but I do remember my Dad and I watching Maryland play in the March Madness Tournament.  After watching them play I decided to take a shower.

While in the shower everything hit me all at once.  Suddenly I realized that I was about to move back home, a place that I had never really dealt with because I was in Tennessee.  I was going to see all of my old friends, and all the places I used to do drugs.  As I closed my eyes I could see myself tumbling down the path that had taken so much of my life already.  I realized I had two choices: drugs or Jesus.  I unequivically chose Jesus.

Right then, at that point, I realized that God had put something special in my heart.  It was as if I had opened a present that had sat and sat for years just waiting for me to open it; but finally, finally I had torn off the dusty wrapping paper, and opened the box.  When I got out of the shower, with confidence, I was able to tell my parents that I was never going to be the same because of Jesus. The hug that we shared as a family will be a lasting memory every time I think of March 24, 2001.  

Since that time I have made monumental mistakes.  I have fallen, and fallen hard.  I have learned the easy way, and the hard way.  However, I never again will be entangled in the crippling yoke of bondage that is addiction.  I will never again, by the power of Jesus Christ, be considered an addict or “recovering.”  I am a follower of Christ, and I am fully recovered. It was not until about 5 years ago that I really began the process of taking my faith seriously.   Since that time I have only looked forward; which is much easier when you are married to my wife.  Which is another testimony in itself. 

However, how we met is a story I let Amanda tell.  For the record, next to knowing Jesus nothing better has happened to me! 

I have written and rewritten this so many times. I want to share my past and my present with you because I am passionate about what God has done and continues to do in my life. It is my desire to be honest and real in a way that will reach out and touch your heart. As I look back at my past, as part of the writing process I realized that this is still very difficult for me to discuss. Until Shaun and I got married I worked hard to block out certain memories and I purposefully tried to forget many of the details. I understand now, that the person I was is not who I am today and because of Christ I can embrace my testimony. So I hope to share with you the events in my life that helped shape and mold who I am today and who I am becoming.

My childhood was normal and mostly uneventful. I had a good relationship with my parents, and I loved my two sisters more than anyone else. There are a few lasting memories I have from my childhood, but none are more vivid than the night I accepted Christ into my heart. My parents and I were sitting in the living room, Mom and Dad were on the couch, and I was in my Dad’s grey Lazy Boy recliner.  I was sitting on my knees, rocking back and forth as we discussed what it meant to be a Christian. At the age of seven, my parents led me to accept Christ that night and I still remember the feeling of joy I felt inside of me. I wanted to tell everyone! The very first person I called was Grannie Parsons, my Great Grandmother. I could almost see the smile on her face and hear the excitement in her voice; and so it went throughout the evening as I called all of my family to share the news.

 As I got older, my family continued to attend church and I became active in the youth group. I had a good group of friends, and the “worst” thing we ever did was miss curfew by a few minutes. I was home schooled up through my Junior year of high school, when my parents gave us the choice to continue homeschooling, or go to public school. We chose public school.

 I absolutely loved High School! My junior year I made straight A’s and had an amazing group of friends. I was still active in youth group and I felt like I was growing spiritually. As I progressed into my Senior year I was still making good grades, and I even got involved in theater. Everything was going great! Then, seemingly overnight, things started to go wrong.

 There were a few choices I made that changed my life forever. The first, getting into a physical relationship. I was consumed by an obsession that I thought was love. I had never been in a real relationship before so when I did it became my all. I started lying, skipping school and church. I even quit hanging out with my friends so I could spend every moment with, or thinking about being with my boyfriend. I had changed, and I knew it, but I did not care. 

I graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA, and was given an amazing opportunity to go off to a private Christian college. I spent my last summer preparing for the big move and one (very) early morning, my parents and I drove the 3 long hours to Orientation. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I had made the decision to stay together and pursue a long distance relationship. When I got to college, though, that decision did not last long; we broke up within the first week.   

I realized that I wanted to change, and this was my opportunity to do so. I got involved in everything; Choir, Freshmen Council, a few Bible studies. I even made a great group of friends.

After a few months, I started meeting more new people and I got involved with another new group of friends. They invited me to hang out one night, and while I was there they started to drink. I had not had alcohol before, so I opted out, but I eventually gave into peer pressure and had my first drink. This was the same night that I gave into temptation and again I made decisions that would changed my life. 

 I chose to hang out with this group more often, and the other activities I was involved in became less and less important. I did, however, have a commitment to the Freshman council. This caused me to start living two separate lives. I started lying, skipping classes, and I quit going to my Bible studies. On the days I had meetings, I put on a smile, picked up my Bible and chatted with my “good” friends. On the weekends I went home, I chose to leave out stories about the things I did most often, and told everyone how much fun I was having at college. I convinced everyone how involved I had become and what I was learning in my classes. I was lying to my friends and family, but worst of all I was lying to myself. 

I started to believe that I could really live these two lives, and I even started to believe that my behavior was acceptable. As long as I went to church on Sundays and asked forgiveness for my sins, I was good. It did not matter that the core of my life consisted of alcohol and boys. In my mind I was happy and I was living the life that I convinced myself I was deprived of in high school. I had become consumed by feelings of being accepted and loved. Little did I know, my charade was in it’s last days.

Several things happened over the next couple of weeks, and a change started to take place in me. I had come to a place where I realized I needed more in my life. I quit hanging out with my guy friends, and started applying myself in class, which included choir.

Each year the choir goes on a trip and the timing could not have been more perfect.  I needed a week away from everything. I used this time to reevaluate my life, and by the time I got back, I had a new perspective. I no longer wanted to live a double life so I got back into Church and Bible studies. Since my heart change occurred at the end of the semester it was time to leave for summer break. I was excited to go home and really BE home, not desperate to leave and get back to my “life” at school. 

Before I left, I was given the opportunity to come back to Freshmen Council as a leader. I was ecstatic! I already could not wait to be back, so I could start a new year and really apply myself. When I got home, I had no idea what was waiting for me. My report card had made it before me, and I had failed almost everything. There was a letter attached letting me know that next semester I was on academic probation. I tried to talk my way out of it, but my parents had already made up their minds: I was not returning in the fall. I was devastated. I had not only let down my parents, but myself.

I was ashamed and I tried to explain that God had brought my heart around.  Ultimately, I knew I could only prove myself by my actions. I spent the summer working, and allowing God to get my life back in order. 

Although I regretted the decisions I had made in the short time I was at school, I knew God was already using them to mold me into the woman that I wanted, and needed to be. This was also the summer that I met Shaun...and so begins Our Story.

 Xanga. To some, it is merely a blog. To others, it means nothing. To us, Xanga is one little tool used by God to change both of our lives forever.

 I still remember why I started Xanga. In the Spring of 2004 I was sitting in the lobby of one of the dorms at college and everyone was discussing this new website. Apparently, Xanga, a blog, was the thing to have. (Like today’s Facebook or Twitter). When I got back to my dorm room, I looked it up. It appeared easy enough and I thought it would be fun to write about all the new things I was experiencing in college; so I signed up. 

 By the time I got home from college for the summer, I was updating my blog daily, if not several times a day. Who knew there could be therapy in letting the world know the details about your day? Some people thought it was crazy but I had several friends and followers, one of which was Katie. She and I met on Xanga, when I first started, and overtime had become good friends. 

 Through Katie I met “Shaggy21.” He was nothing more to me than some random guy who stopped by my site to comment. He found my posts interesting, and I thought the same.  (Shaun says it is because he is a comedian at heart). I became a frequent reader of his blog, along with Katie’s. While reading each others posts, God was doing a lot of work on our hearts.  He began to separately reveal certain truths about being a man or woman for God, and that things like dating needed to take a different role in our lives.  

 At the time we began talking, “he was done with women” and I was in a relationship with one foot out the door. It was easy to talk to each other about it, since we were just friends. (Not only were we just friends but we had several thousands of miles and states separating any chance of a relationship). After ending my relationship we started talking more often, through Xanga and emails. Emails eventually led to instant messaging, which eventually led to video chats online.  Finally, we took a big step and started to call one another. We began to talk off and on and then daily. A five minute conversation became six hour conversations in the middle of the night.  

 After a few months, I realized that God has placed a love in my heart for Shaun.  It was the kind of love that I had never felt with anyone else. No other relationship had ever drawn me closer to God. This was something new for me and I not only wanted to know Shaun more, I really wanted to know God more. We continued to communicate for over six months drawing closer and closer together. Our conversations became more in depth. We started our days together in prayer and shared our daily devotional readings with each other, finding that often they were similar.  

 Through this time we discovered that God led both of our hearts in the same direction. We knew that He had a big plan for us and we wanted to find out what it was.   So we took a huge leap of faith and on October 13, 2004 we met for the first time face to face. It was so surreal, but it felt so natural at the same time. We saw each other again in December 2004, when Shaun met my family.  Then in March 2005 I flew to Maryland to meet Shaun’s family. On March 10, 2005 Shaun asked me to marry him and we were married 3 months later on June 26, 2005.

 It has been an incredible journey. Our marriage has been filled with unexpected twists and turns, but God has faithfully brought us through each day, making us stronger as a couple. God has continued to show us that He knows no boundaries. We realize that it is only by His Grace that we have been brought together and we hope that our love story and our new journey together will encourage and bless many lives.