AMANDA'S STORY

I have written and rewritten this so many times. I want to share my past and my present with you because I am passionate about what God has done and continues to do in my life. It is my desire to be honest and real in a way that will reach out and touch your heart. As I look back at my past, as part of the writing process I realized that this is still very difficult for me to discuss. Until Shaun and I got married I worked hard to block out certain memories and I purposefully tried to forget many of the details. I understand now, that the person I was is not who I am today and because of Christ I can embrace my testimony. So I hope to share with you the events in my life that helped shape and mold who I am today and who I am becoming.

My childhood was normal and mostly uneventful. I had a good relationship with my parents, and I loved my two sisters more than anyone else. There are a few lasting memories I have from my childhood, but none are more vivid than the night I accepted Christ into my heart. My parents and I were sitting in the living room, Mom and Dad were on the couch, and I was in my Dad’s grey Lazy Boy recliner.  I was sitting on my knees, rocking back and forth as we discussed what it meant to be a Christian. At the age of seven, my parents led me to accept Christ that night and I still remember the feeling of joy I felt inside of me. I wanted to tell everyone! The very first person I called was Grannie Parsons, my Great Grandmother. I could almost see the smile on her face and hear the excitement in her voice; and so it went throughout the evening as I called all of my family to share the news.

 As I got older, my family continued to attend church and I became active in the youth group. I had a good group of friends, and the “worst” thing we ever did was miss curfew by a few minutes. I was home schooled up through my Junior year of high school, when my parents gave us the choice to continue homeschooling, or go to public school. We chose public school.

 I absolutely loved High School! My junior year I made straight A’s and had an amazing group of friends. I was still active in youth group and I felt like I was growing spiritually. As I progressed into my Senior year I was still making good grades, and I even got involved in theater. Everything was going great! Then, seemingly overnight, things started to go wrong.

 There were a few choices I made that changed my life forever. The first, getting into a physical relationship. I was consumed by an obsession that I thought was love. I had never been in a real relationship before so when I did it became my all. I started lying, skipping school and church. I even quit hanging out with my friends so I could spend every moment with, or thinking about being with my boyfriend. I had changed, and I knew it, but I did not care. 

I graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA, and was given an amazing opportunity to go off to a private Christian college. I spent my last summer preparing for the big move and one (very) early morning, my parents and I drove the 3 long hours to Orientation. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I had made the decision to stay together and pursue a long distance relationship. When I got to college, though, that decision did not last long; we broke up within the first week.   

I realized that I wanted to change, and this was my opportunity to do so. I got involved in everything; Choir, Freshmen Council, a few Bible studies. I even made a great group of friends.

After a few months, I started meeting more new people and I got involved with another new group of friends. They invited me to hang out one night, and while I was there they started to drink. I had not had alcohol before, so I opted out, but I eventually gave into peer pressure and had my first drink. This was the same night that I gave into temptation and again I made decisions that would changed my life. 

 I chose to hang out with this group more often, and the other activities I was involved in became less and less important. I did, however, have a commitment to the Freshman council. This caused me to start living two separate lives. I started lying, skipping classes, and I quit going to my Bible studies. On the days I had meetings, I put on a smile, picked up my Bible and chatted with my “good” friends. On the weekends I went home, I chose to leave out stories about the things I did most often, and told everyone how much fun I was having at college. I convinced everyone how involved I had become and what I was learning in my classes. I was lying to my friends and family, but worst of all I was lying to myself. 

I started to believe that I could really live these two lives, and I even started to believe that my behavior was acceptable. As long as I went to church on Sundays and asked forgiveness for my sins, I was good. It did not matter that the core of my life consisted of alcohol and boys. In my mind I was happy and I was living the life that I convinced myself I was deprived of in high school. I had become consumed by feelings of being accepted and loved. Little did I know, my charade was in it’s last days.

Several things happened over the next couple of weeks, and a change started to take place in me. I had come to a place where I realized I needed more in my life. I quit hanging out with my guy friends, and started applying myself in class, which included choir.

Each year the choir goes on a trip and the timing could not have been more perfect.  I needed a week away from everything. I used this time to reevaluate my life, and by the time I got back, I had a new perspective. I no longer wanted to live a double life so I got back into Church and Bible studies. Since my heart change occurred at the end of the semester it was time to leave for summer break. I was excited to go home and really BE home, not desperate to leave and get back to my “life” at school. 

Before I left, I was given the opportunity to come back to Freshmen Council as a leader. I was ecstatic! I already could not wait to be back, so I could start a new year and really apply myself. When I got home, I had no idea what was waiting for me. My report card had made it before me, and I had failed almost everything. There was a letter attached letting me know that next semester I was on academic probation. I tried to talk my way out of it, but my parents had already made up their minds: I was not returning in the fall. I was devastated. I had not only let down my parents, but myself.

I was ashamed and I tried to explain that God had brought my heart around.  Ultimately, I knew I could only prove myself by my actions. I spent the summer working, and allowing God to get my life back in order. 

Although I regretted the decisions I had made in the short time I was at school, I knew God was already using them to mold me into the woman that I wanted, and needed to be. This was also the summer that I met Shaun...and so begins Our Story.