Perseverance vs. Endurance

As always we try and tell you where we are at in our ministry.  Sometimes it is tongue and cheek.  Sometimes it is informative.  Sometimes it is real.  Today is a real day.  

When we decided to come to Peru, not only did we think it was crazy, a lot of other people did too.  I remember sending an email to Pastor Pepe, and asking him if being there was something they really needed.  “Was being in Peru something that was going to edify and uplift the Church?”  I was nervous about leaving our life.  Leaving our work.  Leaving our money.  Leaving our family.  Leaving our friends.  Leaving our dogs.

I don’t really talk about that email very often, because when Pastor Pepe wrote back, God put His peace in our hearts to go.  It was a difficult decision, but one we were positive we needed to make.  So we made it.  

We made the decision quickly.  We talked to people with passion, but inexperience was written all over us.  We had no idea what to expect, and how long it would take.  We knew we were being called for more than a year, but in our lack of faith, we said we would only be going for a year.  I say lack of faith, because in a way we only planned for a year because we thought that was all we could feasibly do financially.

In the ups and downs there have been several consistent thorns.  Sickness.  Sadness.  Loneliness.  Finances.  Reliance on others.  Lack of freedom.  Cultural barriers.  

And I would wake up, and feel so frustrated.  So confused.  Because I knew we were here for a reason.  It was so hard to wake up, and sit, and think of my weaknesses and realize that I am failing.  Was I not eating at the right places?  Were we being good stewards of our money?  Are we tithing enough?  Am I encouraging people correctly?  Is my English a hinderance?

There is no one here on this Earth more aware of our weaknesses than ourselves.  We beat ourselves up every day about it.  We second guess ourselves everyday over it.  

Then Pastor Pepe preached on a verse last Thursday:

 “9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY asking God if I should pack my bags, and go.  Amanda does too.  We are so focused on our weaknesses, and what we could not do.  We completely forgot that in our weaknesses His power is great.  (But I am not done.  Because even though we had that realization, it goes deeper).

This is what I read today:

 “ ‘Be still, and know that I am God . . .’ —Psalm 46:10 

Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.

If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, ‘because you have kept My command to persevere . . .’ (Revelation 3:10).

 Continue to persevere spiritually.”

-Oswald Chambers

When I set aside all of the junk, all of the lies that we hear on a daily basis that are made to discourage us, I feel the need to persevere.  I feel like if we left right now, we would be agreeing that He can be conquered.  If we leave right now, we will be saying that Jesus is not bigger than our fears, our problems, our weaknesses.  He is using us.  People are getting to know Jesus, and it is in deeper ways.  Amanda is worship God in front of the Church, and people are experiencing worship in ways that make me worship louder and with more passion for my God.  

So I am looking to live this way:  “endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen.”

We are weak.  He is Strong.  He is God, we are man.  We will delight and trust.  He will Provide Perfectly.  It is going to happen.  Our hopes, and dreams for these people and this nation.  It will happen.

I will love you Jesus.  Take my heart Jesus. Take all that I have Jesus. How I adore you.